


Forever

by calenlily



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Banners & Icons, Drabble, Drama, Episode: s01e07 Angel, Episode: s01e08 I Will Remember You, Episode: s01e19 Sanctuary, Episode: s02e01 When She Was Bad, Episode: s02e09-10 What's My Line, Episode: s02e13 Surprise, Episode: s02e17 Passion, Episode: s03e01 Anne, Episode: s03e14 Bad Girls, Episode: s03e20 The Prom, Episode: s03e21 Graduation Day Part I, F/M, Fanmix, Inspired by Music, Multimedia, POV First Person, POV Third Person, Poetry, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Romance, Songfic, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-09
Updated: 2013-04-16
Packaged: 2017-12-08 17:12:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 4,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/763917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calenlily/pseuds/calenlily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of B/A, told in vignettes, drabbles, and poems covering crucial episodes: pre-series, Angel, When She Was Bad, What's My Line, Surprise, Passion, Anne, Bad Girls, The Prom, Graduation Day, IWRY, Sanctuary, and future.</p><p>Updated 04/2013: First published in 2013 as fic component only due to ff.net content restrictions. It finally occurred to me that I'm not limited by those restrictions on AO3, so I've updated it to fit my original vision for the project, as a multimedia compilation including fic, icon, and music for each section.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. At First Glance

**Author's Note:**

> Sources of photos and lyrics (if present) in icons will be credited in chapter notes where they differ from the episode or song in a chapter. All screencaps come from Screencap Paradise (sadly now defunct).

_All the lives I’ve lived before_  
 _None of them I’d ever turn to_  
 _Know what I’ve been searching for_  
 _When I see you smile_  
~ June Tabor and the Oyster Band, “Pain or Paradise”

One glance. He watched for as long as possible, but it only took that first glance to be utterly captivated.

He’d seen a lot in his existence – though admittedly not so much in the last century – but he’d never seen anything like this Slayer with the sunshine smile and her fragile heart on her sleeve.

He didn’t know what he’d expected when Whistler abruptly appeared to meddle in his life (such as it was). But he did know he'd go to the ends of the earth to protect this girl. And he’d found his destiny today as much as she had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Icon photos from BtVS 2.21 Becoming Part 1


	2. Weakness

_Sparkling Angel_  
 _I believe_  
 _You are my savior_  
 _In my time of need_  
 _Blinded by faith_  
 _I couldn’t hear_  
 _All of the whispers_  
 _The warning so clear_  
~Within Temptation, “Angels”

Maybe she’d expected too much. Maybe … no, not maybe. _She’d been_ a fool to hope.

But she couldn’t help it. The heart was funny like that.

Damnit, the Slayer couldn’t afford schoolgirl infatuations! Definitely not more. Especially not with vampires. (Not even tall, dark, and hottie … see? Weakness.)

She thought of the jolt Xander’s words had given her ( _…not like you’re in love with him…_ ) as she realized she _was_. Her attempts at denial ( _…can a vampire ever be a good person?…_ ). What happened to her mom – she needed that rage.

Because she still wasn’t sure she could do this.


	3. Comfort

_Then silent tears fast flowing_  
 _When someone stood beside_  
 _A hand upon my shoulder_  
 _I knew the touch was kind_  
 _He drew me near and nearer_  
 _We neither spoke a word_  
~Solas, “I Wandered by a Brookside”

When the fight was over, when the vamps were dusted and my friends were safe, it still felt as if there was something missing. As if the job were somehow incomplete. I looked around and without really thinking about it, I realized what I had to do. I lifted the large mallet, turned to the table, and brought it crashing down onto the Master’s bones.

 _Smash. Clang. Crash._ Every blow was a kind of release. For months I’d locked up my emotions. I had tried to forget the day that I’d died, refusing to allow myself to feel. Even when I’d been fighting, it had been almost mechanical. But now I was acting in a haze of pure emotion and adrenaline. I took it all out on the skeleton until it was crushed nearly to powder and the mallet dropped from my limp hands.

And then I broke down. The mask was gone, the rage was gone, and the reality of it truly hit me. I felt empty and spent. Only the ever-present need to be the strong one kept me from collapsing or crying out. Then I felt a cool hand on my shoulder. Angel. I hadn’t even noticed his approach, but there he stood behind me, his gentle touch a wordless offer of comfort. As he drew me into his arms, I crumpled and sobbed until I was sure there were no more tears left in me.

I believe in the power of single moments: how everything can change from one instant to the next, how time can freeze and one second seems to encompass the whole world. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true. At that point, things just felt right. For once, I felt safe and protected. It was like a weight had been lifted from me. The place was so quiet that all I could hear was the frantic beating of my own pounding heart. And in that moment, for the first time in months, I knew peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics in icon from "As the World Falls Down" by David Bowie


	4. Her Angel

_Would you dance, if I asked you to dance?_  
 _Would you run, and never look back?_  
 _Would you cry, if you saw me crying?_  
 _Would you save my soul tonight?_  
~Enrique Inglesias, “Hero”

He had a way of appearing, of slipping out of the night so that she didn’t even notice he was there until he had been standing behind her for several minutes. He silently watched, patiently waiting for her to see him but never calling attention to himself. There were times when he nearly faded into the night, but the important thing was that he was there. No matter what, she could practically always count on his presence.

She had once teased him that being stalked really was not a turn-on for her, but in truth she thought it was sweet how he watched over her. Whether it was as a friend to talk to (and perhaps argue with) on a long dull night of uneventful patrol, an ally to watch her back in a fight, or a shoulder to cry on when she was physically and emotionally drained after a particularly difficult slaying, when she needed him, he was always there for her. He was her rock, a support and protector, watching over her like a guardian angel. It was ironic to think of him, a creature of the night, as such, but that’s what he was - her Angel.


	5. Surprise Me

_Past the point of no return_  
 _No going back now_  
 _Our passion-play is now, at last, begun…_  
~The Phantom of the Opera, “Point of No Return”

I was freezing. Oh God was I soaked and freezing. _When did the rain get so damn cold?_ I wondered miserably. I suppose it’s kind of funny that I’m used to all kinds of injuries from fighting vamps and assorted demons every night, yet I can’t handle a little chill. What can I say; I’m a California girl. My cold tolerance is absolutely nil.

I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going at all, so it’s a good thing Angel was guiding us. Next thing I knew, we were walking into his apartment. Inside, I felt slightly warmer and infinitely safer, but I was still shivering like hell.

He noticed too. “You’re shaking like a leaf,” he said concernedly.

“Cold,” I mumbled. _Nice, Buffy. Real intelligent response there._

So he said, “Lemme get you something,” and handed me a bundle of dry clothes to put on. He told me to change out of my wet clothes and get under the covers. Just to keep warm, of course. We both knew _that_ perfectly well, but it was still awkward.

Especially since Angel was still watching me. I gave him an expectant look.

A flash of understanding and a guilty look passed over his face as he turned away. “Sorry.”

I reached up to pull off my sodden shirt, but stopped when a small starburst of pain exploded in my shoulder. I flinched and did not quite manage to stifle a small involuntary cry.

“What?!” he snapped, his voice coming out harsher due perhaps to panic and concern. We’re both so on edge from our recent close call that we’ve been jumping at every shadow.

I hasten to reassure him. “Oh, um, it’s okay; I just have a cut or something.

He just watched me for a moment, then asked awkwardly, “Can I-” He faltered. “Lemme see.”

“Okay,” I replied hesitantly, then wondered why I was so leery of it. It was nothing we hadn’t done before; inspection of wounds was a matter of course. Maybe it was just the heightened tensions of this night. And probably the other tensions were because I was sitting on his bed and from the way his first words to me when we got inside had come out. (Come to think of it, we’d had a lot of perfectly innocent comments come out sounding wrong over the past few days. It would be rather amusing if it weren’t so embarrassing.)

And even so, he was only concerned for my well-being; it’s not like it was anything inappropriate. And why was I so hung up on that? I didn’t even know how much was allowable at this stage in our relationship. Probably quite a bit: wasn’t I saying to Willow just yesterday morning how “I think we’re going to seize it”?

I was distracted from that train of thought by the sensation of Angel’s cool fingers sliding over my back. It felt sooo nice.  He touched on the stinging cut on my shoulder, and reassured me, “It’s already closed. You’ll be fine.”

He started to pull back, and I missed the touch as his fingers moved away. Suddenly I realized how much it meant to me, just being there with him. “You almost went away today,” I murmured, leaning into him to prolong the contact.

He paused, looked straight at me. “We both did.”

I hadn’t thought about it that way at all, but he was right. I hadn’t seen it coming, but this had become a moment of truth. I had to say something. “Angel, I feel like I lost you. You’re right though, we can’t be sure of anything.”

“Shhh…” he quieted me, then began brokenly, “I-”

“You what?” I prompted him.

He seemed to struggle for a moment, searching for words or sorting out emotions. “I love you. I try not to, but I can’t stop,” he confessed.

_Ohmygod!_ He’s not usually forthcoming with emotions, or words at all, so a statement like that is unprecedented as it is. Let alone…. I thought I was just being a silly little schoolgirl, falling so hard for him. To know he feels the same way…. (Damn, now I can’t even finish a thought.) All I could do was reply, “Me, me too. I can’t either.”

I scooted closer to him. When we kissed, there was a fire there, a passion, that had never been there before. The kind of intensity that could so easily spiral out of control. I didn’t know where this intensity of desire had come from, but it felt so right. I pressed myself against him, driven by a desperate need to _feel_.

Angel started to pull away. “Buffy, maybe we shouldn’t.”

What to say? My instincts were pulling at me in too many different directions. _Yes. No. I love you. I want you. I need you. I’m scared._ “Don’t. Just kiss me,” I heard myself say.


	6. Art

_Would you mind if I killed you?_  
 _Would you mind if I tried to?_  
 _‘Cause you have turned into my worst enemy_  
 _You carry hate that I don’t feel_  
 _It’s over now, what have you done?_  
~Within Temptation, “What Have You Done?”

I still tried to deny to myself the truth of the matter. It was simply too painful to believe that he wasn’t my Angel anymore, that the man I had known was gone and wasn’t coming back.

That’s why my first instinct was still to run to him. That’s why his touch as I slept slipped pleasantly into my dreams.

But when he left a drawing of me on my bed as evidence of his stalking, that was just creepy. As I studied the (admittedly beautiful) likeness, I took the first step towards moving on.

But I kept the sketch.


	7. Just You

Buffy woke in a small apartment in LA to see the sun rising over a world that looked dull and washed out to her eyes. She’d been dreaming of _him_ again. It was still so hard to comprehend that he was gone. She was lost without Angel. That’s why she’d run; she’d thought it would be easier if she could just get away from the memories, but she was haunted by dreams of her lost lover.

_I’ll never again be there when you waken,_  
 _Be there when you open your eyes_  
 _I’ll never again hear the words that you whisper_  
 _I’ll never again see you smile._

Despite everything she’d done to get away, she couldn’t forget, couldn’t let go. She saw him everywhere, dreamed of him every night. He was so constantly in her thoughts that it was almost like he was still with her. It wasn’t like anyone else was there for her. She’d lost everything else in that last day. Losing Angel – permanently this time – had been the last straw.

_But you will be there when I’m closing my eyes_  
 _Still in my thoughts, still on my mind_  
 _Holding my hand when there’s nobody there_

She was doing the best that she could to go on with her life. She told herself that each day was just a little easier to face than the last, and some days she even believed it. Sometimes she could even forget that she was living a lie. Perhaps it was for the best that she had all these thoughts of Angel. Buffy was used to always being the strong one, but she kept stumbling lately. At least in her dreams she had someone to support her.

_It’s taken me a while just to go on as normal,_  
 _You’ve taken the light from my eyes_  
 _But I know that you’re with me whenever I falter,_  
 _Lately that’s most of the time._

She wondered how it had come to this. How could things have gone so wrong? She was sure that Fate was off somewhere having a good laugh at their expense. She lost Angel to his demon for months, then she’d barely gotten him back long enough to comprehend it when she lost him again. And this time it was even more her fault than before. And this time he was in some hell dimension and there was no way of getting him back.

She’d been dealt a pretty sucky lot in life, what with the whole Chosen One thing and all. She’d dealt, and for a while she’d even thought things were pretty good. And then she lost it all. Just when she’d achieved happiness, it had all slipped away.

_I can’t understand how it happened this way_  
 _Was this the plan from the very first day?_  
 _I once had it all, now it’s slipping away._

So here she was, miles away from home and friends (if they were even that to her anymore), living under a false name because she could no longer face up to her life. Desperately trying to forget, but unable to let go because the memories were all she had left. And longing, always longing for all that she had lost. She wondered bleakly how much longer she could go on like this.

Buffy glanced back out at the sun rising over the city. She gave in for a moment, pausing in her morning routine to flop back onto her bed and send a desperate mental plea up to the Powers That Be. “I’ll do anything you want, just give me my Angel back!”

_And all I wanted was_  
 _All I wanted was you_  
 _All I wanted was you_  
 _Just you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songfic to "Just You" by Solas
> 
> Lyrics in icon from "In Dreams" off the Fellowship of the Ring soundtrack


	8. UST

_‘Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling_  
 _And every time we kiss, I swear I could fly_  
 _Can’t you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last_  
 _Need you by my side_  
~ Cascada, “Everytime We Touch”

Some days, Buffy really hated her life. Considering she felt compelled to bring that up, it went without saying today was one of those days.

Her life seemed to comprise entirely of four things: struggling with school, slaying, juggling the above with making time for her mother and friends, …and unresolved sexual tension.

It was that last that bothered her today. She was utterly sick of “look but don’t touch”. Spending time with Angel was almost more frustration than pleasure nowadays. (Damn idiotic gypsies!)

Maybe she’d just take Faith up on her offer to “show ya how to cut loose”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Icon photo from BtVS 3.8 Lover's Walk (I think)


	9. Break

_Deep within I’m shaken by the violence_  
 _Of existing for only you_  
 _I know I can’t be with you_  
 _I do what I have to do_  
 _I know I can’t be with you_  
 _I do what I have to do_  
 _And I have the sense to recognize that_  
 _I don’t know how to let you go_  
 _I don’t know how to let you go_  
~Sarah McLachlan, “Do What You Have to Do”

I think I’ve been broken,  
Shattered,  
Crushed.  
It’s over.  
It’s over.  
How can it be over?  
When did forever end?  
Have I been living in a dream world?  
Dancing in a soap bubble,  
So dazzled by the rainbows before my eyes  
I was shocked when it burst?  
The crust of salt tracks down my cheeks,  
Scars of the deluge,  
Prove this can’t be just a bad dream.

I was too shocked to reply  
As he listed his reasons.  
Reasons?  
Paper-thin excuses, really.  
So much I should have said,  
I wish I’d said,  
I never said.  
There’s a word for it, even.  
Espirit d’escalier.  
But the reason we don’t speak of –  
The elephant in the living room,  
The fear we skirt around –  
I can’t argue with.  
So I can’t combat the flimsy excuses,  
Or his accursed nobility complex…  
So I let him walk away…  
So I let myself fall to pieces.

“You only hurt the ones you love.”  
Trite, but true.  
Too true.  
No one ever hurt me like he has.  
A year ago  
(A world ago),  
My ingenuous best friend  
Stumbled over the word “date”.  
I wanted to laugh.  
Today I understand:  
How syllables can stick in the throat,  
Words feel awkward and ungainly to the tongue,  
As I gag on “ex”.  
This isn’t right.  
This cannot be.  
What happened to always?  
How can I comprehend?  
I think I’ve been broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics in icon from "Signs of Life" by Robin Dale Ford


	10. Agony and Ecstasy

_Now you’re sleeping peaceful_  
 _I lie awake and pray_  
 _That you’ll be strong tomorrow_  
 _And we’ll see another day…_  
 _Hold on, hold on to yourself_  
 _For this is gonna hurt like hell_  
~Sarah McLachlan, “Hold On”

_How cliché,_ was her first thought, because the only way to describe it was _agony and ecstasy_. As his fangs sunk into her flesh, she expected and braced for the pain, but the pleasure took her by surprise, and that was what threatened to undo her. Which, come to think of it, was a pretty good metaphor for their relationship in general, at least in recent times – and which probably said something about why they kept getting themselves into so much trouble. And wow was her mind going all sorts of odd places.

On the other hand, maybe that was a good thing, because at least it distracted her from the unexpected and overwhelming eroticism of the moment.

So she focused on the bizarreness of her thought processes, and a snatch of lyrics from some song she’d heard on the radio one time floated into her head. “You can laugh, it’s kind of funny/ Things you think at times like this/ Like ‘I haven’t seen Barbados, so I must get out of this’.” Maybe strange thoughts weren’t so strange in life-or-death situations. She tried to recall what she’d thought before she died two years ago, but came up blank. She suspected she’d been too scared to think at all. And concluded that it didn’t matter, did then compare to now. Now, when what was supposed to be so wring felt so right, so good.

And the whole distraction technique was turning out to be an utter failure. How could it be otherwise, when she’d fallen fully under him, and unbidden her mouth opened in a silent scream, and there was a wild throbbing between her legs, so strong it was impossible to ignore – and she was fairly sure good Slayers, normal Slayers, didn’t get off on vampire bites, but then she’d burned the “good Slayer’s don’t” list at least two years ago because none of that ever mattered to her when Angel was involved. Normal Slayers also didn’t turn against the Council, forget about the impending Apocalypse, and offer their lives to save a vampire. (She wondered about the Slayer whose sacrifice, recorded in Giles’s books, had taught them how to cure the Killer of the Dead. _Was her story anything like mine?_ ) And this time she doubted she was just being a typical “young girl in love” (as she had heard her actions described many times before) either, for she doubted a normal girl would give everything to save a guy who was leaving her and shattered her heart into a million jagged pieces (and here she was falling into cliché again, but that was the best description she could think of for how she felt).

Maybe she was just a double anomaly. Because she would gladly do it all again in an instant.

In fact, though even now she doubted it would actually come to that, she would almost prefer to die like this. Maybe she had a bit of a deathwish. But that might well be inevitable when one dealt death every night. Certainly there was a sense of peace in the prospect of not having to go save the world yet again. She’d already given him everything else she had, why not her life? She valued his life far above her own, and screw the consequences or the opinions of others. To go out in this pleasure, this closeness greater than they’d been able to have in over a year (possibly greater than that, even, and if only he could be buried inside her it would be perfect)….

There went her capacity for coherent thought again, gone in a pulse of pleasure so overwhelming that she spasmed violently, crushing a metal vase in one hand and shattering a wooden table with a kick of a leg. Caught up in her release, she didn’t even notice how weak and lightheaded she’d become from loss of blood before she lost consciousness altogether.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics referenced are from "Me and A Gun" by Tori Amos


	11. Weep Not For The Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't resist going a little AU on this one.

Buffy flipped through stations on the radio as she sprawled on her dorm bed and tried to concentrate on homework. Country – ick!… metal – too loud… Celtic – ooh, kinda pretty. She listened for a minute or two, her mind wandering idly, and then the opening chords of a new song sounded.

**_Remember the good times that we had_ **  
**_We let them slip away from us when things got bad_**

Now _that_ sounded familiar, she thought, remembering a certain dark vampire.  _Gives up everything we had, and the worst part is he’s convinced he’s doing the right thing. Damn Angel and his damn nobility complex._ She shook her head. She really shouldn’t be analyzing her relationship with Angel. That chapter in her life was over. _And I’m lying to myself and everyone else trying to think that I can ever get over him._ She tried to shake that uncomfortable thought away as well, and determinedly turned her mind to other things.

**_How clearly I first saw you, smiling in the sun_ **  
**_Want to feel your warmth upon me, want to be the one_**

Unbidden, a fragment of memory flashed through her mind. _Kissing … on Santa Monica pier … in the bright sunlight … wait a minute, what?!_ That never happened – that was impossible.

**_I will remember you_ **  
**_Will you remember me?_**  
 **_Don’t let your life pass you by_**  
 **_Weep not for the memories_**

Memories. Why was she having false memories?

**_I’m so tired, but I can’t sleep_ **  
**_Standing on the edge of something much too deep_**

_“I want to stay awake so this day can keep happening.”_

**_It’s funny how we feel so much, but we cannot say a word_ **  
**_We are screaming inside but we can’t be heard_**

Sitting at his kitchen table, calmly making inane conversation, desperately avoiding what they really wanted to say, all the greater issues that were suddenly so relevant again.

**_I will remember you_ **  
**_Will you remember me?_**  
 **_Don’t let your life pass you by_**  
 **_Weep not for the memories_**

This was getting really odd. She’d been through a lot of creepy things, but some random song triggering memories of things that had never happened was a new one. What was going on? And why did these so obviously impossible events have such a ring of truth to them? Buffy began to wonder if she was going crazy.

**_I’m so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose_ **  
**_Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose_**

_“So we’ll just … take things slow.”_  
 _“It’s a good thing I haven’t dreamed of you turning human about a million times, because I’d be really disappointed.”_

Hands brushing … losing control … a table breaking.

**_Once there was a darkness, a deep and endless night_ **  
**_You gave me everything you had; you gave me light_**  
 **_I will remember you_**  
 **_Will you remember me?_**  
 **_Don’t let your life pass you by_**  
 **_Weep not for the memories_**  
 **_I will remember you_**  
 **_Will you remember me?_**  
 **_Don’t let your life pass you by_**  
 **_Weep not for the memories_**

_“There’s not enough time!”_  
 _“I’ll never forget … I’ll never forget … I’ll never forget.”_

She remembered. Everything about that lost day came flooding back, and she remembered.

She barely thought to leave a note telling Willow what she was doing before she took off for LA. She was so mad, she could just about kill Angel for this stunt.

She mused with an ironic laugh that she was right about where she’d started in her thinking. _Damn Angel and his damn nobility complex._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songfic to "I Will Remember You", written by Sarah McLachlan, Seamus Egan (of Solas) & Dave Merenda. It's best known as a Sarah McLachlan song, but I prefer and have included in my fanmix the Solas version.


	12. The Flip Side

_If you have to leave_  
 _I wish that you would just leave_  
 _Because your presence still lingers here_  
 _And it won’t leave me alone_  
~Evanescence, “My Immortal”

Passion was dangerous. She ought to have learned that by now. The brighter the fire, the more chance one stood of being burned. Everything has a price.

The flip side of devotion is heartbreak. The flip side of trust is betrayal. The flip side of passionate love is passionate hate. Buffy was experiencing all three right now.

She was nothing if not well acquainted with the dangers of passion by now. She’d burned more than once in her relationship with Angel. But it was always more than worth it.

It wasn’t worth it today. Everything about this visit had gone from bad to worse, and she was experiencing only the ugly flip side of all those emotions that still welled up, unbidden, and threatened to overwhelm her whenever she saw him again.

She was shocked and indignant when she saw him helping Faith. _She’d_ been the one who kept trying to help her sister Slayer, and she’d only gotten betrayal – multiple betrayals – for her troubles. But by the time they reached the police station, she was a couple hundred degrees past pissed off, and it wasn’t even about Faith anymore.

It was him calling her “no one” that finally made her crack. How could he be so cool, like none of this really mattered? She’d expected his anger. Heck, she’d _wanted_ his anger. At least it would show he cared. She couldn’t deal with this indifference. Here she was, after a year of doing everything she could to forget him, after supposedly having moved on, and she was boiling over with rage because she still loved him so much it hurt to think about. Meanwhile, he was standing there like he didn’t even care about her.

And so she did the only thing she could think of, the course of action she knew was idiotic and immature, if effective. In one last desperate attempt to provoke a response, to bring out some proof he cared, she tore into him with every cutting detail of her new life she could think of. If she was still this thrown by him, he was darn well gonna be thrown by her too.


	13. Unexpected

_And I’m still waiting for the rain to fall_  
 _Pour real life down on me_  
 _‘Cause I can’t hold onto anything this good enough_  
 _Am I good enough for you to love me too?_  
~Evanescence, “Good Enough”

She’d never expected  
   This day to come  
   This happiness  
Those teenage years  
   When she was carefree  
   When she had hope  
Seemed so long past  
   A thousand years ago  
   A million dreams ago

She’d never expected  
   To feel that way again  
   To get back what she’d lost  
Though she sometimes spoke of it  
   Babbling of cookies  
   Speaking of someday  
It was only a smokescreen  
   Pretending to be content  
   Reassuring she was alright

She’d never expected  
   Content to come  
   To truly be alright  
And certainly not joy  
   Real love regained  
   Real hope realized  
Yet here she was  
   Out of the dark  
   Out of mere dreams

She’d never expected  
   Herself to feel ready for him  
   Him to feel worthy of her  
For months she waited and dreaded  
   For it all to dissolve into nothing  
   For the other shoe to drop  
Finally she is simply grateful  
   And basks in the bliss of peace  
   And melts under his attentions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Icon photo from BtVS 3.3 Faith, Hope, & Trick


	14. Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fanmix consisting of all songs from previous chapters. Cover art coming soon.

[View playlist on Spotify.](http://open.spotify.com/user/calenlily/playlist/5HYIgbJrrywUYkEQkYVjl1) (Can't get embedding to work, grr...)


End file.
